Metanoia
by J. Random Lurker
Summary: ZADF, Season Two inclusive. New Chapter. Zim and Dib are getting nowhere. The war is getting old for both of them, and the truth remains unspoken. One instant of realization could change everything, but is it already too late?
1. True Confessions

** Metanoia  
a transformative Invader Zim fanfic  
by J. Random Lurker **

**Master, the human's transmitting now. **

Irken Invader Zim immediately dropped the circuit board he was fiddling with and nodded. An eager grin of anticipation curved his lipless mouth; his iridescent red eyes lit with an inner flame.

"Excellent! Record it and add it to the files. Route me to the core chamber. I'll listen to it there."

Ten seconds later the alien Invader was making himself comfortable, wriggling into the soft purple leather of his central control console. Folding his hands over his small body, Zim let his artificial eyes slip closed. To an unschooled observer it would appear as though he were allowing his enemy's voice to lull him to sleep- but this was not so, for Irkens never slept. Instead Zim was slowing his metabolism, letting his body fall still so he could devote all his processing power to the incoming signal. Starting a little late tonight, Earth-stink... too much homework? Or were you waiting for little Gaz to fall asleep so you could speak undisturbed? Tell me your mind, human... tell me your secrets.

Never before had he been so easily able to access his enemy's deepest thoughts and desires. The Dib-human was giving away information- a tactical error in any war, even one as childish and petty as theirs- carelessly throwing away for free now what no force of Zim's had ever been able to coerce before. All Zim had to do was sit back, relax and harvest the data. It was an effortless victory, sweet beyond delicious.

Contented the Invader gave himself over to the voice of his enemy.

---

_ ...Look up. There. That bright star there, the wobbly one, just left of Orion's belt? That's planet Mercury. Zim and I- you know, Zim, the alien in my skool I keep telling you about?- found out that Mars and Mercury were actually giant rocket-powered...uh, planets. Zim activated the Face on Mars and I used an old monkey-ship to go up to Mercury and chase him. Zim thought he was gonna be able to use Mars to destroy the Earth somehow. But I stopped him! I always stop him, no matter what stupid thing he tries to do._

Yes, you do! Annoying, arrogant human, eternal thorn in the side of ZIM! But you're starting to lose now. Lose more and more each day.

_But... you know something? I still dream about it. Especially on the bad days. Sometimes, I don't even have to be asleep. The memories come back all on their own, so strong they hurt. Sure, the whole thing was crazy to start with, but those babies could sure CRUISE! We got out as far as Saturn- we came up right through the middle of the Cassini Division and tore a big hole in the particles of Ring A. I was SO scared. I couldn't even think, not even a little, I was just completely REACTING... and it was incredible! _

_It really opened my eyes. I can't stop thinking about what it was like up there. How beautiful it was. How my whole body felt so incredibly ALIVE. And it was FUN! _

Fun. Mm. I suppose it was, in a sick and twisted sort of way.

_The big secret, I guess, between me and you... fighting Zim isn't fun any more. We haven't fought with giant robots or superweapons or gone after each other in spaceships for WEEKS now. I feel like I've been nailed to the ground. _

Horrible human, how DARE you?!

Zim's his antennae twitched, his mouth compressing to a thin angry line.

How dare you say that ZIM is not FUN any more.!

You fool, my resources are beginning to fail! Those things you want of me, these robots and lasers and things! They cost moneys and the Tallest have been REJECTING my requests for more! Do they not UNDERSTAND my very MISSION hangs in the balance? Because of YOU burning out all my resources so soon, I've had to IMPROVISE and of course battlefield improvisations are useless with these pathetic Earth materials! Brainless meat-pig children and stupid inferior technology. using filthy PSYCHOLOGY instead of lovely WEAPONS because now it's all I can AFFORD! The superweapons' the Plookeyzians gave me were nothing but a pile of incompatible JUNK!

I HATE it! Don't you think I too yearn for the simple pleasure of sitting behind the controls of a robot death machine, unleashing chaos and screaming terror on my enemies!?

What amazing battle machines have YOU built lately, stink-beast?! What are YOU bringing to the table except your big head and your constant slander! Which by the way is getting TIRESOME!

_I'm trying my best to keep going, but lately... EVERYONE's turned on me. The Swollen Eyeball think I'm annoying. My dad thinks I'm insane. My sister hates me. The kids in my school think I'm stupid. EVERY time I get anything even remotely like proof of Zim's existence, it's all ripped away. EVERY TIME! I've been through 15 cameras, 5 computers... it's NOT FAIR! _

Heh. Welcome to life, feeble Dib-thing. Do I complain about all the things of MINE that you've ruined? Besides, you've controlled that janitorial loser TAK's ship for more than a month now- is that not MORE than a sufficient 'alien artifact' to act as your precious 'proof' for your fellow stinkmeats? Fool. The means to destroy me are at your disposal, but -I- think you don't truly have the spooch to USE them. I do not LIKE feeling my life dangling on the mercy of a BLITHERING SMEET.

_It's like the universe WANTS me to fail. I can't keep going like this. Something's gotta break soon. SOMETHING'S gotta give. I'm scared it's gonna be me. _

Zim leaned forward sharply, hissing. So you're not even fighting me with all your feeble STRENGTH?! You're HOLDING OUT on me?!

_That's why I'm up here on the roof now transmitting this radio signal every night. I HAVE to get it all out of my head, I HAVE to talk to SOMEONE. I feel safe talking to you guys. At least YOU don't think I'm crazy or laugh at me. I know it's not like everyone else's been up close and personal with the rings of Saturn or skimmed over the surface of the Sun- but even if I tried to tell someone about it, they wouldn't believe me. Or wouldn't even listen. Sometimes, I just wish that... there was someone, even just one person, who would understand... _

I'm not listening to this a second longer! I can't BELIEVE you're HOLDING OUT on me! NO ONE holds out on INVADER ZIM!

Fueled by a sharp surge of anger, Zim snapped his fingers and a tube dropped down, sucking him up into its depths.

---- _  
_

_ A/N: Some of you may remember this as Newton's Three/Dib, Occulted... I swear this is the last time I'm going to change titles. HONEST. :) Like No Pillows Redux, this is a full rewrite, in accordance with my better, newer Zim-fact holding brain. _

_jrandomlurker(at)yahoo.com _


	2. Pursuit

**Metanoia: Chapter Two**   
  
Dib had barely finished disconnecting the coaxial cables from the back of his trusty laptop computer when the familiar purple-and-pink shape of Zim's Voot Cruiser rose up out of nowhere alongside him. Brilliant headlights snapped on with an audible flash and flared, nearly blinding the startled human boy. Dib jerked to his feet, throwing an arm up against the glare. 

Zim howled over the roar of the engine, his voice an earshattering explosion of rage echoing below the darkened sky. "Filthy HUMAN, you want LASERS? ZIM isn't FUN any more?! Oh, we'll have fun NOW. SUCH fun we will have!!"

Dib struggled to keep his feet as the alien's ship blasted him with powerful waves of super-hot exhaust, clinging to the laptop he clutched under one arm. The ends of his black coat flapped wildly as he shrank back, gasping, against the force buffeting his thin frame.

Zim angrily jerked his hands over his controls, hellish pink glow forming at the Cruiser's weapons ports. Huge twin balls of iridescent flame RACED toward Dib; the human had no choice but to fling himself off the roof of his house to avoid being hit!

He could only hear his own scream as he fell; then he only heard the mad, magnified cackling of his mortal enemy as he slammed down hard, face-first into the soft grass of his own front lawn. His folded up laptop and miniature radio dish came bouncing down to either side of him, missing his head by fractions of inches. His heart blasted holes in his chest with each beat; terror strobed through all his senses.

He struggled to his feet and stared up gaping as Zim's hovering ship neatly swiveled on thin air and aimed its weapons at him once again. The Irken's bone saw laugh ricocheted over the house. "Better RUN, Dib.!"

Purple lasers shot out of the Cruiser and annihilated Dib's transmitter dish, passing so close to the stunned boy's head he could smell the plastic melting and the grass bursting into flame. The human grunted, spun away from the beam, grabbing the laptop and running desperately for the garage. for the downed Spittle Runner.

Irken lasers chewing at his heels, he managed to fling himself into the garage and scrambled into the cockpit of his own stolen Irken ship. Desperately keying the activation command sequence one-handed, he watched the garage-door begin to bubble, glowing a dull cherry red. Zim was burning through the DOOR.! Gasping, Dib stared at his controls in horror as the ship came up, cockpit and alien dashboard glowing.

"YOU again?" screeched the disembodied voice of Tak through the cockpit speakers. Dib heard the sounds of the engine slowing down, the AI taking things off line again on its own.

"No! PLEASE! TAK! You have to help me, Zim is gonna KILL me.!" He slammed his fists on the controls, panicking and wild-eyed.

The garage door began to screech and scream, red metal starting to shimmer white.

"PLEASE!" Dib wailed.

". All right, but ONLY because I hate ZIM more than I hate YOU!" The false-Tak bellowed- and the Spittle Runner ROARED into life, readjusting it's engines and BLASTING forward through the molten door. The sudden acceleration threw Dib HARD back against the back of the pilot seat, and he grimaced as the ship took its own course, spiraling up and up, away from the house.

"Are we having FUN yet, DIB?!" Zim's voice sneered in a small pop-up window that flicked open to the left side of the Runner's cockpit. The taunting galvanized Dib; his eyes narrowing hard, he pushed himself forward and began rapidly keying in commands, his bared teeth grinding together.

He set the Runner twisting around, hovering, turning to face the rising Cruiser. "Why are you CHASING me like this, Zim? I didn't even DO anything today!"

In the communication window, Zim all but spat at the screen. "That's EXACTLY WHY! Now SHUT your stinking HOLE AND FIGHT with everything you've GOT!"

The two ships lunged and lurched madly through the ever-darkening sky, cutting gleaming arcs of jewel-colored fire.

---- _  
_

_ jrandomlurker(at)yahoo.com_


	3. Love and Affection

**Metanoia: Chapter Three**   
  
Two hours later the Spittle Runner plunged to Earth. Spiraling, skipping inches over the electrified fence of the Membrane household, the stolen Irken ship came down with a THUD that shook the block and set car alarms blaring three streets away. It scored a long trench in the lawn and slid thirty-five feet to a dull stop against the garage. 

Dib tumbled out of the broken ship, clutching at his side. He stumbled away from the crash, sick and dizzy, and collapsed face-first in the dirt. Tired and beaten, he could barely rouse himself.

_Get UP, Dib. Get UP... GET UP!... c'mon, it's only a concussion...! _

His tiny frame quivered. His fingers dug into the thick green grass below his hands; his arms shook as he tried to find the strength- and a reason!- to rise out of the dirt he was currently eating. His arms held his chest off the ground, but his head sagged between his shoulders. Sweat ran down his nose and dripped into the grass as he gasped.

He'd been thrown stomach-first into the console and spine-first against the pilot's chair over and over during the fight. Dib was sure he'd find several dark and ugly new bruises under his clothes from all the jostling around. More for the collection...

_At least I got Zim pretty good too._

Dib smiled bitterly in the dark, recalling the bone-rattling CRUNCH as he slammed the dying Spittle Runner into the side of the Voot Cruiser, devastating one of Zim's side-pod engines. The Cruiser had gone barreling wildly into the night in a spiral of smoke and flame, the alien ROARING in frustration over the open com line they'd been using to scream at each other...

Clinging to the recollection of his enemy's angry cry and the vision of his fall, Dib found enough strength to push himself up. EVERYTHING hurt, from his ragged black hair down to his booted toes. His lip was split, bleeding; a thin unpleasant taste, like he'd been licking metal, soured his mouth. Each breath came at painful price, as if he were being punished for breathing: sharp pain on inhale, dull pain on exhale. His vision strobed in and out of focus: out of everything it was this that irritated him the most, irrationally. He wondered if he'd taken a blow to the head during the crash. He couldn't remember.

_Great, now I'm **retarded.**_

His blurring vision fixed wearily on the dying Irken ship- /his/ dying ship. Sparks and smoke fizzled at its joints. Three grey probe-cables shot out from the ship and curled around Dib's right ankle and left wrist and throat, quivering metal, vengeful, frustrated, hopeless. Tak's system ghost screamed out. "CRITICAL SYSTEM MALFUNCTION! Filthy human MEAT, I HELPED you and you FAILED me...!"

Dib winced. "... I'm sorry...!"

The cables shoved him away. Seconds later the propulsion unit detonated spectacularly, blowing the ship in half. Molten orange fire and broken heat-shielding fragments cascaded into the sky, and the stars above seemed to utterly disappear behind a thick cloud of fetid brown smoke. The flailing cables spasmed, then slapped lifelessly to the grass.

The boy could only stare blankly as his ship burned.

----

The furniture of Professor Membrane's living room was edged in thin green light that blinked. All the lights in the house were turned off: the only illumination came from an LED clock sitting on a table next to the "Probing the Mysteries of Science" commemorative lamp and Membrane-head-shaped ashtray. Dib's eyes were drawn to it automatically through the dark and he frowned at its readout. 11:30. Great. And he still had homework to do...

Guess I'm pulling another all-nighter.

Dib groaned, in pain and irritation, and reached out to flip the light switch.

And BANG a weight came down HARD on his back, two sharp and pointy little knees grinding like corkscrews into his kidneys. He yelped and collapsed under the sudden attack. Hands pushed the back of his head down, rubbing his face into the carpeting. He gagged on dust and polyester carpet-fibers.

"You know, Dad just had that garage remodeled." Gaz hissed into his ear.

Dib twisted his head around, coughing and shooting his sister a weary scowl. "Like he's even gonna notice..."

The younger Membrane sibling gave a dry snort. "I notice." She released her brother and stood, started to brush her hands off, then frowned as she felt wetness on them. Slits of hazel peeked out from behind her near-perpetual squint.

There was blood smeared on her fingers.

"You're bleeding. Go clean up before you get it all over the floor." The little girl crossed her arms over her chest, set her feet firmly.

"Thanks for caring." Dib mumbled dourly.

Gaz frowned at his back as he began to limp away. She was going to let it slide but it snapped out of her mouth in a hot, hurried blur. "You're SO DAMN ANNOYING, DIB! You're impossible to LIKE, let alone CARE about!"

She watched the words slash into her brother. It shouldn't have been possible for him to deflate any further, but he did. He kept his back to her, but his shoulders stiffened, hands clenching. He glared at the floor in front of his feet, head turned down. "Shut up." The words were dangerously, dangerously quiet. _Please, no, Gaz.. not right now. /please/.? _

A crow's harsh laughter flooded out of Gaz, an angry beaky caw of derision. "No. You're gonna LISTEN to me for once. Don't just go running off and lock yourself in your stupid room with your computers and your Bigfeet or whatever." A surge of anger had her moving quickly across the floor, grabbing at his arm.

He tried to wrench free; she dug in sharper and held on grimly. "What is WRONG with you, Dib? Seriously, what is your PROBLEM? Why do you DO this? Is this like some really PATHETIC cry for help that you keep coming home like this?! Used to be I could at least have a CONVERSATION with you without your stupid MOUTH making me want to SLUG you, but ever since Zim showed up."

"Gaz.!" _Don't do this, not right now.I can't take any more, you don't UNDERSTAND.! _

"NO." She shook him, harder than she meant to, glaring at him one-eyed. "You don't get it- I DON'T LIKE YOU, Dib!" Her voice quivered, but there it was. There was the truth, something that had been struggling to pull free for a long time. And it felt GOOD to let it go. Sickly pleased she said it again, trying to drive it home, make him UNDERSTAND. "I DON'T LIKE YOU! You're my BROTHER and I don't even LIKE you! Hell, I don't even KNOW you! Do you even know who you ARE any more? At least Zim has an EXCUSE to be a loser- he's just a stupid ALIEN who doesn't KNOW any better. /You're/ just being." She felt the words slipping away and struggled with her tongue, grasping for any way to put across her meaning before she lost them all again, "...STUPID! You act like Zim, you talk like Zim, half the time you SMELL like Zim.!"

Dib's face was glacial, but his eyes screamed. He mumbled. "Sorry." _Oh, real good comeback there, Dib.That all you can say today? "Sorry"?_ He turned his head away from his sister. "Can I please go now?"

The brutalized, ruined look that flashed across his features as he turned soured her guts. She defended herself against the gnawing guilt- he NEEDED to hear it! SOMEONE had to say it! But she'd lost her taste for confrontation and withdrew her fingers from his black sleeve. "Yeah."

He staggered up the stairs without another word.

After allowing sufficient time that any seeming concern could be shrugged as mere coincidence, Gaz followed her brother. His trail of burnt-oil scent led straight to the bathroom- to a closed door. Gaz crept nearer and put her ear to the door.

Water was running. There was no other sound.

She leaned in closer, eyes narrowing. Her attention moved to the blood-stained doorknob, and she started to reach for it, then hesitated. Instead she hopped backward and shouted.

"SOME of us wanna GO, Dib...! Hurry UP!"

She bounced from foot to foot to make the appropriate floor-creaking sound of impatience.

No reply- just the continual sound of running water.

Gaz's hands and teeth clenched; one eye opened, she stared at the door as if she expected to blow it apart with her willpower alone.

"...If you're in there killing yourself just because I yelled at you, I am SO going to kick your ass. You know how STUPID a way that is to go? I swear I won't go to your funeral...!"

Pause.

".... c'MON, OPEN UP already!"

Another pause.

"Okay, THAT does it! You are SO doomed!"

She grabbed the knob and twisted. Almost expecting the door to be locked, she was utterly surprised when it wasn't, when it immediately opened under the weight she threw at it. She stumbled in and caught herself quickly, a flash of embarrassment twitching across her forehead; the mighty Gaz was NEVER surprised by ANYTHING and anyone who SAID so was just WRONG.

She was surprised by this, though.

Water was running in the sink, running uselessly into the drain. There was Dib on the floor, on his side, blood smeared along the pristine white tiles, pooled around the tub and toilet. His shirt was off, thrown over the larger towel rack- the towels lay crumpled on the floor nearby. He was half-bandaged; his chest pale and bruised, damp and shining. An unfinished gauze wrapping had been started around his bleeding midsection.

Gaz stood in the doorway and glared down at her brother. The initial heartbeat of horror melted into annoyed recognition. She knew exactly what had happened.

Kneeling next to Dib, she tugged the gauze off the floor, pulled her brother across her knees and began to undo the bandage in grim silence. ". Can't even do a stupid FIELD DRESSING right, and you think you're gonna beat Zim? ..."

With clipped efficiency Gaz finished the dressing properly, sealing it tight with a metal butterfly clip. She hefted her unconscious brother off the floor and lurched off toward his bedroom. Ackwardly slinging him into bed, she wrestled the red coverlet over him and frowned down.

"Idiot."

----

_jrandomlurker(at)yahoo.com_


	4. The Ruin of His Enemy

** Metanoia  
a transformative Invader Zim fanfic  
by J. Random Lurker**

Morning came and went, deep night yielding up to ashen day; a sullen overcast sky opened above the world, hinting of storms.

Dib slept through his first alarm, his second alarm, Gaz screaming at him from the bottom of the stairs, Gaz screaming at him from the top of the stairs outside his bedroom door, and Gaz at his bedside yanking his head off the pillow by his limp, crooked hair-scythe to glare at him up close- even this last brutality elicited no more than a soft groan from the boy.

"So... are you dead or what?"

Dib was not answering, so Gaz yanked off the blankets and examined her brother blandly.

The released air from beneath the heavy covers smelt of damp gauze, musty skin and blood; the bandage had turned dark in places. Dib's tiny chest was moving, though, shallow and ackward.

"nnh. Fine." Gaz released Dib's hair, letting his head thump dully back into the pillow. She left in a black-coil cloud of resentment; today she would have to walk to skool alone.

Dib lingered in darkness.

Hours later, as the sun was shrinking behind the skyscrapers of the distant city, two spindly metal legs taptapped their careful way around the edges of Dib's bedroom window. Two thin black gloved claws added their grip to the windowsill, scrambling for a hold, knocking over Dib's collection of toys resting there.

With a grunt of effort and the help of his additional pak-legs a very irritated Zim thrust himself into his enemy's room. Zim righted himself and put his hands on his hips. "So THERE you are... I suspected as much!"

He frowned at Dib's failure to do what he was supposed to do in turn. He was supposed to leap up, shout things, throw small objects with pointy edges, and rant. But he was just... lying there, pale and wet.

"Hm." The Irken crept closer to the bed; now it was his turn to examine the human. He was curious and skeptical; he knew humans slept and therefore Dib must also sleep- and he'd seen Dib sleeping before. From the security of his control chamber, through secret hidden cameras, Zim had watched Dib fall asleep more times than he could remember. He had studied the human's face from a hundred angles and memorized every expression, waking and sleeping alike. But this was a different sort of laying-out-sprawled-across-a-soft-platform, he thought. The face was all wrong, the eyes all taut and lines around the mouth and lips tense.

Prod. Prod. "Dib."

Prod. Prod. "Dib!"

Prod. Prod. "DIB!"

A bead of sweat trickled slowly down the back of Zim's neck. And in him rose a feeling that wasn't quite dread, and wasn't quite despair, and wasn't quite triumph. It was the strangest feeling he'd ever felt- because it was like no feeling he'd ever known. He looked on the ruin of his enemy ... and he felt completely blank inside. Zim didn't like new feelings. And he especially didn't like it when Dib was the cause of them. The alien shook out his head quickly, antennae flapping in the air. He snapped his fingers angrily in front of Dib's face. "Enough of your MIND GAMES, Dib! Wake up, NOW!"

Amazingly, the human did. Dib groaned, pale face contorting as his eyes opened and the dreary world around him came into focus.

The first thing Dib realized was that Zim was in his house, and in his bedroom, and staring down over him. "Zim! H... how did you get in my house?" Dib attempted to sit up, reaching instinctively to pull blankets over himself as if that could shield him. realizing how phenomenal a mistake this was when he suddenly felt something inside his chest grind tangibly against something else. He flinched and immediately lay back down.

The Irken shrugged, tossing out a vague gesture with his hands in the direction of the open window. The pit of his spooch still felt strange, coiled up with anger and full of that weird and empty not-feeling-things feeling. "It doesn't matter."

And Dib realized Zim was right. It didn't matter. He was -tired-, infinitely tired. The memories of yesterday came rolling in; Gaz telling him she hated him, Tak's ship dying, his own voice whispering to the stars that he was so terribly afraid... He closed his eyes against it all, wanting to shut out the world.

Zim strode over to Dib's desk chair and sat backward in it, leaning his pink wire-arms over the back of the chair. He idly rocked back and forth, pushing the chair with the balls of his feet, making the rollers attached to the base squeak.

Zim would never have said so aloud, but he felt profoundly stupid at this moment. His initial thoughts for coming here had all involved Dib being... not so clearly and pathetically BROKEN. But now he was here, and he would feel like an idiot if he were to simply LEAVE again without doing something to justify the trip, and that stupid FEELING of whateveritwas was gnawing at him; something was wrong, he was SURE, but he didn't know what it was. And the Dib wasn't talking, which wasn't normal either...

Squeak, squeak.

The silence was thick and ackward as the minutes dragged on. Zim's antennae twitched up at the smallest noise that came from the bed, but Dib did nothing except lie there and breathe unevenly.

Zim finally exploded. "SAY something!"

Dib's eyes remained closed; his voice was flat and weary. "Something."

"RRGH...! -HUMAN-...!"

It was an effort to talk, and Dib really just wanted to be left alone; to sleep, to rot, whatever; he no longer cared particularly. He felt immensely heavy, as if his personal gravity had tripled, and his blood had turned to solid lead in his veins. "Go away."

"Make me. Get up and MAKE me, pig! Stop LAYING there with your... your not moving and not talking!"

"Whatever." Dib twisted slowly, with a deep groan, and rolled onto his side, facing the wall.

Zim felt the blood rushing to his meatbrain and scowled, shoving himself across the floor with his feet. Clawed hands grabbed at Dib's right shoulder and tugged him backward and flat; the human's eyes were angry for a moment, hazel and glinting, but only for a moment before dull weariness swept back in. "Don't ignore me," Zim hissed. A surge of energy that was almost fear chilled his spine and he tightened his grip, shook Dib a little. "I will NOT be ignored by the likes of YOU! I could KILL you! It wouldn't be HARD!"

Some deep part of Dib resonated as he caught the Irken's wide-eyed glower; he felt a strange stirring at the base of his stomach. He wasn't sure what it was, but he suddenly felt an incredible, almost overpowering urge to cry. There was something in Zim's eyes... something that moved inside them that almost hurt to see. And there was something... something deep, something dark, inside him, too... Dib frowned, struggling to grasp it with his muddled senses, to capture the emotion and pin it into place, but Zim took his frown as defiance and began to shake him.

Zim screamed and flexed his claws deeper into Dib's shoulders, his voice rising, taking on hysterical notes. "I can kill you! I can kill you! I CAN!"

Dib reacted on instinct: his strike was crooked and clumsy, but the slap that he landed on Zim's right cheek was still enough to halt the Irken's ranting. Zim froze, raising a hand to his face, rubbing it where it ached, suddenly sullen- then he snatched Dib's wrist, yanking the human's arm off the bed, and returned the blow with his free hand.

Dib's face twisted to the side, gasping into his pillow, and his cheek erupted with color as tiny blood vessels shattered beneath his skin. "Feel better?" mumbled Dib.

"Quiet," replied Zim tonelessly. The Irken extended his spiderlegs from his pak, the metal limbs lifting his feet off the floor. Using the grip he already had on Dib as leverage, he pulled the human out of the tangle of bed and blankets entirely, and locked his arms around Dib, holding him against his chest and covering the human's mouth with a gloved hand. Dib let himself go limp, and be pulled up- not resisting, but certainly not cooperating either, concentrating on making his body hang heavy in Zim's grasp.

Discomforted by Dib's lack of struggle, Zim pressed his hands and arms down even tighter before he reactivated his spiderlegs and began to move. In moments they were through the bedroom window, down the side of the house, and scurrying at speed through the shadows.

- - -

_A/N: Thanks to Senri for encouragement and a bit of beta. 99 percent of my energy is focused on my original character works these days , but I thought it'd be fun to come back and revisit the Zim boys for a short time. I can't promise when I'll be updating again though._

_jrandomlurker (at) yahoo (dot) com_


	5. Once More, With Feeling

**Metanoia  
a transformative Invader Zim fanfic  
by J. Random Lurker  
**

Zim kept his nemesis in a tight grip until they were safely inside Zim's base, behind locked doors and beneath the couch in one of Zim's experiment halls. Having no better ideas, and with the smell of Dib's blood choking his senses, Zim let go of Dib all at once and gave the boy a sharp shove to the base of the spine.

"Get on the table."

Dib stumbled, caught himself with a small cry, and pressed his hand against his red-soaked bandages. He was barely able to stand, breathing harshly. But his eyes swung toward the gleaming silver platform, the coiled instruments waiting underneath... "I don't want to!"

Zim growled but checked himself with an effort. "Fine," he mocked, lifting his hand and frowning at the traces of wetness on his gloves, "Let's just stand around and wait until all of what's LEFT of your stupid blood pools in your stupid FEET and you go crashing to the floor." He leaned forward, dropped his voice in a parody of intimacy. "Once you're unconscious, that'll make things MUCH easier for me..."

He chuckled at Dib's startled hiss. "Y..You're going to put a squirrel in my head or something! Forget it!" Despite the heat of his words, though, Dib remained still; even small movements were making his vision swim.

"Funny, up until a minute ago I didn't think you particularly CARED what happened to you. Given that you all but HANDED yourself to me back there..." He pressed closer, eyes narrowed, his voice strangely intense. "Have you changed your mind, DIB?"

The Earthling bit down hard on his lower lip, an expression of conflicted anxiety Zim was all too familiar with. If he had a favorite expression of Dib's that wasn't the one where Dib was screaming in tortured anguish, this would probably be it. He could see that the human was assessing his chances and finding no particular avenue of escape. Stay conscious and face the unknown, the possibility of even more suffering, or give in and surrender ALL hope of control over his fate... Oh, how fun it was to make Dib squirm!

The Irken leaned closer still. "I'm WAITING..."

It was too many seconds before Dib snarled, "Alright, fine, I'm GOING!" Or, he tried to anyway; he didn't get very far before the dizziness and the sick broken feeling in his chest overwhelmed him. Cold metal hands gripped him under the armpits and carried him up the rest of the way, setting him flat on his back along the length of the worktable.

Zim cackled. "GOOD! Now, prepare yourself, Dib-thing!" He flipped up on his spiderlegs once more, clickclicking his way over the red metal flooring to loom over Dib's left side. His eyes were bright with malice, his teeth glinting bone-white in the blue and red glow from the ceiling.

"Prepare myself for what?" Dib's breathing was growing increasingly shallow.

Zim paused from toying with a few random pointed instruments that he'd activated at the side of the table. His antennae shot up as he made a loud noise of pondering. "Eh, I dunno... whatcha think, should I just scoop out your whole brain, or ...how about this?" He held up a whining gerbil. "I think I could just about fit this in your wretched intestines..."

Dib shut his eyes tightly. "Can we PLEASE not go there with the implanting live animals this time? PLEASE?"

The Irken's eyes widened; he tossed the gerbil away and it squealed as it fell into a shadow out of sight. "Wait, wait. Say that again..." His grin widened as he once more leaned close.

Sweat rose up on Dib's brow. "... please?"

"Ohh, I LIKE the sound of that. Once more, now..." Zim's smile was positively manic, ".. with FEELING."

And there was that conflicted face again, the certain restrained panic behind struggling brown eyes. Zim's claws dug into the side of the table, his arms akimbo and tense; he craned his neck forward until his face was almost level with Dib's, smelling the boy's sour human breath.

Dib had gone splotchy; a curious blend of red and white dots peppering the pale skin of his cheeks. "-Please-," he repeated, the word curiously thick and dark. His chest was throbbing with pain. Fresh blood poured into the bandage; he was gasping.

Zim cackled softly, staring into Dib's eyes without blinking. "Well, well, well. It seems the little wormbaby actually DOES want to live after all...? 'Cause, y'know, I was kinda sure you were ready to die. When I brought you here. Were you ready to die, Dib?"

Dib ran his tongue over his mouth. That dark -resonance- went off inside him again, a bomb inside his soul, and he realized... he -had been- ready. He had been more than ready, had even -wanted- it... A momentary lapse: he was so tired, so weary of everything- and he thought, just for a moment back there in his bedroom, he'd thought he'd seen a kind of desperation in Zim as well. Fear of what would happen if they stopped. But there was no trace of that now, only the familiar glimmer of Zim's vibrant hatred.

Dib wondered what would happen if he told the truth. He shouted the truth from the rooftops to a world that never listened... but somehow he'd never tried doing that with Zim before. Zim, the only one who paid unwavering attention to every word he ever said.

It was curiously easy to look Zim in the eyes and whisper "Yes."

Zim's face did an interesting thing, just then. It fell. His antennae flattened. And then his features reshaped themselves into a cold, cold glower. "You WISH," Zim snapped, no longer enjoying his game. He drove his fist deep into Dib's wounded side.

Dib blacked out instantly, and Zim drew himself upright. Fury curled the Irken's lipless mouth as he eyed Dib's tiny, bloodstained body.

"Simple-minded little -smeet-. If it were that easy, I would have ended it for both of us months ago."

He snapped his fingers to the air and barked a few words in Irken. Tools and mechanical arms extended, closing in on Dib's unconscious body.

Zim didn't bother to stay and watch.

---

_A/N: Hey, whatta ya know, an update. :)_

_jrandomlurker (at) yahoo (dot) com_


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